My Personal Experiences to Counter Stereotyping of People “Unlike Us”
This is the hundredth edition of these writings, so a milestone of sorts. I start with daffodils, a Violet favorite. Recognizing daffodils are flowers that come up in spring is one thing but knowing daffodils is another. It takes time. Violet knows and loves daffodils, and before I knew Violet I had no idea there were so many kinds or how beautiful each was in its own way. Her intricate knowledge and love of daffodils in turn come from her aunt.
People are like daffodils in variety, and without a personal connection or experience, our understanding of those unlike us is often reduced to popular and frequently negative stereotypes. I share a few personal experiences as an antidote. Our differences with people unlike us — in hues, faiths, genders, or countries of origin — are no reason for dislike.
Like millions, I was enticed to the game of golf by Tiger Woods. In those early years, every Thursday, I would play golf with an informal group of about twenty or so adults with whom I had little in common, except for our love of golf. They neither looked nor talked like me. Many were poor and worked multiple jobs to make ends meet. Few, if any, had gone to college. We played foursome whereby the best shot of each member of a group is taken. While we were all hackers, it was common wisdom that I was singularly the worst and being drawn with me in a foursome made it tough to win any cash prize for the day. But to a man, they were always full of encouragement and hoped that some day I would learn to play like them. My occasional good shots brought the loudest cheers. I still remember the good times. I also remember how they made me, a total stranger to them, one of them.
Unlike my golfing friends, the graduate students I got to know over the years are highly educated. Except for a shared love for logic, we didn’t have much in common either. One of them transitioned to a woman, and if you didn’t know anything about the transition, all you’d see is a young woman: beautiful, bright, caring, and cheerful. Transition is such a huge biological and psychological challenge that no one would attempt such without considerable thought, even ignoring the consequences of living in a society that is full of nonsensical ideas when it comes to trans people. Thankfully, her family was supportive which is not a given. She had to pioneer a path for a trans person to be able to live a normal student life, beginning with securing such basics as healthcare and restroom accommodation.
Two other students I discuss here are simultaneously so different from each other yet so alike. Both migrants from decades ago, one from an Islamic-majority Asian country and the other from a country in Africa. Both religious, but of different faiths. Both mothers, but one a single mother. Both were devoted to their school-age children even as they were studying in graduate school. Today they and their children are model migrants. Three are medical doctors serving Americans across the country and one more is about to join their ranks. Two others have engineering degrees and are pursuing graduate studies. The youngest is studying computer science.
Like daffodils, we’re all different, and the world is beautiful because of our differences. When we see people unlike us stereotyped or caricatured negatively in our social space, let us resist. Our personal experiences can be powerful antidotes!
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